Growing up

Hm. April 4.

Fourth of the Fourth.

...................

I've been thinking about this day on and off for the past... long while, actually.  And I've been debating with myself whether or not I'd do something special, or just let it slip past like we usually do...

But, obviously you can see I've decided against it. So...

*snaps fingers*

Yup. It's my birthday. Well, our birthday... And not only that, but this is the day we legally turn into adults. 18.

We're 18 now, guys.

I suppose normal people would feel excited about that. But I've never been normal ever, so I don't feel obliged to fake anything. I'm indifferent to this.

Well okay, not indifferent...

But not stressed anymore.

*****

I remember turning 13 (which coincidentally was also on a Saturday) and going into denial and hating pretty much everything about life. Well, just the parts that I didn't want anything to do with. Like... growing up. And the piano. And math. But mostly growing up.

I was a pretty melodramatic child in certain areas... 

And I remember watching cartoons and reading comics and books like an addict. Like... spending every single moment obsessing over animated shows and movies and comics and fan fiction, like I was scared my enjoyment for these things wouldn't be the same when I grew older. Too old to appreciate the things I loved so much. That by the time I'd turn 18, something inside me would just switch off and everything would go grey or something (I dunno, those years are hazy to me looking back now).

By the time I had turned 15-16 I think I realized what an unhealthy little zombie I was and started the long road to turning it down a notch or ten, and gaining better self-control and drawing habits... which then made me into an overworked stressed teenager who thought that anything but your best and working at 200% was not good enough. Which still meant I didn't get much done. But for different reasons...

Haha, and there was still that fear of growing up.

But ever since last Christmas (or just before that.. during the last 6 months, in any case) I think I must've gotten more mature or something, because I suddenly stopped caring about my age. I let go my fears and anxiety about how this was supposed to be a turning point in my life, and just accepted that this wasn't going to change who I was or what I was going to do and it honestly didn't matter and nobody cared.

I cheered up considerably realizing that, let me tell you! I could take years learning to drive a car if I wanted to. I could stay home until I was 30 or 40 and nobody would mind. 

And hey, if the world ended before that, I wouldn't have to worry!

*****

I try my best to not be too personal on this blog. But I know I constantly look back at my stuff and enjoy what I wrote and I remember so much more when I do. My thought process, my mental state, even what I was planning to watch or play to reward myself for posting another picture on time!

And, well... our birthday DID land on a Saturday, didn't it? Like it was fate or something. Planned. Destined.

Definitely wouldn't have put this much effort if it was on any other day, I can say that much.

SO... Happy Birthday to us! I got a good feeling about this new year of our life.

And I understand I've got to work on myself AND my stories a lot, but I know I can do it!

Hope you guys enjoy your week in isolation! Treat yourself kindly and remember that whatever your going through will seem like nothing in a few years. Have a good one! :)

*Bonus after-math picture*